Navigating Thanksgiving with a Loved One Who Has Dementia

Navigating Thanksgiving with a Loved One Who Has Dementia

Thanksgiving is a time for family, gratitude, and cherished traditions. However, for families with a loved one living with dementia, the holiday can come with unique challenges. With a little preparation and understanding, Thanksgiving can still be a joyful and meaningful experience for everyone involved. Here are some tips to create a comfortable and supportive environment for your loved one while making the day enjoyable for the whole family.

Key Takeaways

  • Understanding behaviors: People with dementia may experience confusion, anxiety, memory loss, or emotional outbursts during Thanksgiving. Being prepared for common behaviors—like repetition, disorientation, or overstimulation—can help you respond with patience and empathy.
  • Making the day easier: Plan a calm, predictable environment by keeping routines, simplifying the setting, and involving them in safe, meaningful activities. Educate guests about how to interact kindly and prioritize everyone's comfort, including your own.

 

What should I expect of a person with dementia on Thanksgiving?

Caring for someone with dementia during Thanksgiving requires understanding the behaviors that might arise due to the condition. Each person’s experience with dementia is unique, but certain behaviors are common and may become more noticeable during busy, high-stimulation holidays. Being prepared can help you manage these behaviors with patience and empathy.

 

1. Confusion and Disorientation

A person with dementia may feel confused or disoriented in unfamiliar or bustling environments. On Thanksgiving, they might:
  • Struggle to recognize family members they haven’t seen in a while.
  • Ask repetitive questions, such as “Where are we?” or “What’s happening?”
  • Seem unsure about the purpose of the gathering or mistake it for another occasion.
How to Help: Gently remind them where they are and who is present. Use name tags or photos to help them connect names and faces.

2. Anxiety or Agitation

The increased noise and activity of a holiday gathering can lead to feelings of anxiety or agitation. They might:
  • Appear restless or pace around the room.
  • Express frustration with the commotion or complain about being “out of place.”
  • Have difficulty following conversations or feel overwhelmed by multiple voices.
How to Help: Offer them a quiet, calm space to retreat to if they feel overstimulated. Provide reassurance and stay close by to comfort them.

3. Sundowning

Sundowning refers to increased confusion, anxiety, or restlessness that often occurs later in the day. Thanksgiving celebrations that run into the evening may exacerbate these symptoms.
How to Help: Plan the main activities or meal earlier in the day when your loved one may feel more alert and comfortable. Keep lighting consistent and avoid dim or harsh lights that can contribute to confusion.

4. Repetition

Repetitive questions, phrases, or behaviors are common with dementia. For example, they might:
  • Keep asking what time dinner will be served.
  • Repeat the same story several times during the meal.
  • Perform repetitive actions, like folding and refolding a napkin.
How to Help: Respond with patience each time. Avoid pointing out the repetition and instead focus on validating their feelings.

5. Changes in Appetite or Eating Habits

Your loved one may eat less, forget to eat, or overeat during the meal. They might also:
  • Struggle to use utensils or need assistance cutting food.
  • Be reluctant to try unfamiliar dishes or ask for only their favorite foods.
  • Mistake inedible items (like table decorations) for food.
How to Help: Offer finger foods or pre-cut their meal to make eating easier. Keep their plate simple, with familiar dishes they enjoy.

6. Emotional Outbursts

A person with dementia may experience heightened emotions, leading to unexpected outbursts of anger, sadness, or frustration. These might be triggered by:
  • Feeling left out or confused by conversations they can’t follow.
  • Overstimulation from the busy environment.
  • Unmet needs, such as being too hot, cold, hungry, or tired.
How to Help: Stay calm and offer reassurance. Identify and address any immediate physical needs, and if needed, guide them to a quieter space to relax.

7. Memory Loss

Thanksgiving can bring up traditions and memories, but your loved one might:
  • Struggle to recall past holidays or confuse them with other events.
  • Forget how to perform familiar tasks, like carving the turkey or setting the table.
  • Be unsure how to interact with guests they don’t remember.
How to Help: Focus on creating new moments of joy rather than relying on their memory of past traditions. Simplify tasks so they can still participate in a meaningful way.

8. Wandering

In unfamiliar environments or during busy gatherings, a person with dementia may wander away from the group, even within the home. This could happen because they are looking for a familiar face or place.
How to Help: Ensure the space is secure, and gently guide them back to the group if they wander. Assign a family member to keep an eye on them throughout the event.

9. Misinterpretation of Sights and Sounds

Dementia can alter perception, causing them to misinterpret their surroundings. For example:
  • They might mistake a decorative turkey for a real bird.
  • Be startled by laughter or sudden noises, thinking they are directed at them.
  • Misidentify people, even close family members, as strangers.
How to Help: Keep decorations simple and non-threatening, and approach them calmly to explain or reassure them about what they see or hear.

10. Withdrawal or Apathy

Some people with dementia may retreat or seem uninterested in the day’s activities. They might:
  • Sit quietly and avoid engaging in conversations.
  • Show little reaction to the meal or family traditions.
  • Seem tired or disengaged, especially in unfamiliar settings.
How to Help: Encourage gentle interaction, like holding their hand or sitting with them. Engage them in activities they enjoy or allow them time to rest without pressure.
By anticipating these behaviors and responding with understanding, you can make Thanksgiving more enjoyable for your loved one with dementia and the entire family. Remember, the goal is to create a calm and loving environment where everyone feels included and cared for.

 

How can I prepare to make it better for them and everyone else?

1. Plan Ahead

Planning is key to minimizing stress. Consider your loved one’s current stage of dementia and adjust the day accordingly. A smaller, quieter gathering might be more manageable than a large family event. Share your plans with other guests in advance so they understand how to interact with sensitivity.

2. Keep the Routine

Sticking to a routine can help reduce confusion and anxiety. If Thanksgiving activities disrupt regular mealtimes or naps, your loved one may feel overwhelmed. Try to schedule the day’s events around their usual schedule as much as possible.

3. Simplify the Setting

Create a calm and dementia-friendly environment by minimizing distractions. Avoid loud music, excessive chatter, or crowded rooms. Decorations should be simple—steer clear of blinking lights or items that may be misinterpreted, such as fake fruit or realistic-looking food.

4. Involve Them in the Day

Involving your loved one in simple, safe tasks can help them feel included and valued. They might enjoy folding napkins, arranging flowers, or sharing a family story. Adapt activities to their abilities to ensure they feel successful and engaged.

5. Be Mindful of Triggers

Holidays can evoke strong memories, which may sometimes lead to emotional outbursts or confusion. Be prepared for moments of frustration and respond with patience and reassurance. If certain foods, smells, or activities are upsetting, gently redirect their attention to something more soothing.

6. Monitor Their Comfort

Pay attention to signs of fatigue or distress. If your loved one seems overwhelmed, offer a quiet space for them to relax. This can be a bedroom or a designated “calm corner” where they can take a break from the festivities.

7. Educate Guests

Family and friends may not always understand how to interact with someone with dementia. Encourage them to speak clearly, use short sentences, and avoid correcting or arguing if your loved one becomes confused. Instead, focus on creating a warm and accepting atmosphere.

8. Capture the Moments

Thanksgiving is a time for making memories. While it’s important to be present and attentive to your loved one’s needs, don’t forget to savor the moments of joy. A heartfelt smile, a shared laugh, or a simple hand-hold can make the day truly special.

9. Be Kind to Yourself

Caring for someone with dementia can be emotionally and physically taxing, especially during the holidays. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help from other family members or to adjust traditions to make the day more manageable. Prioritize your well-being so you can be present and enjoy the day, too.

A Thanksgiving of Gratitude and Love

Thanksgiving with a loved one who has dementia might look different than it used to, but it can still be a time of connection and gratitude. By focusing on their comfort and finding joy in the simple moments, you can create a holiday filled with warmth and meaning for everyone.

For more tips and resources on caring for someone with dementia, visit Dementia Aide. We’re here to support you every step of the way.

Back to blog